The basic plot of the movie – that set on the last days of a dying young woman – hints at being a tear-jerking melodrama. But contrary to this threat My Life Without Me delivers a surprisingly novel representation of a life about to end. The announcement of death, instead of limiting the physical and mental possibilities of the young woman Ann, actually liberates her to explore them to the fullest. The film is rich in its philosophical content, particularly themes central to Existentialism. This essay will showcase how through the strength of her character and a preference for rationality over sentimentality Ann represents a true existential hero.
Hardly 23 years of age, Ann lives an arduous yet contented life. She lives with her young family in a caravan put out in the backyard of her mother’s house. Although the relationship with her mother is somewhat troubled, she has a loving husband and two adorable girls. Her father is largely absent from her life, struggling as he is with his habitual petty crimes. So though life is not hunky-dory, it hums along with some equilibrium. She works full time to support her family as her husband’s employment and income are never steady. Disrupting this semblance of balance is the drastic news of an ovarian cancer which has advanced to a terminal stage. But instead of being beaten down by the shock of the bad news and the anguish it entails, Ann musters inner strength and quietly reaches a determination to make the most of her remaining days. She contemplates deeply and makes a list of ‘10 Things To Do’ before she dies. She must tell her two little girls how dearly she loves them and in a touching scene she records a series of messages for their upcoming birthdays. She also vows to find a new wife for her husband, whom the girls will also like. Ann’s ability to be able to complete certain essential duties even in the face of approaching death makes her an existential hero.
Existentialism as a philosophical system is not very well defined and nor is the system currently in vogue. Existentialism loosely concerns with the purpose, nature and possibilities for human existence. It arose in the aftermath of the Second World War, as a reaction to the widespread death and destruction that the event accounted for. In this regard, it is fair to claim that death is as important a preoccupation in existentialism as is life and life-affirming actions. Or rather, it is about the inevitability of death and the possibilities such a terminal reality opens up. This is exactly the situation faced by Ann. Her impending death makes her think hard about what it is to live. She then makes it a goal to experience all the bounties of life during the dying of the light. Herein Ann takes ‘responsibility’ for her life and actions. A less resolute soul might have descended into self-sympathy and melancholy. But not Ann – a true existential hero, she doesn’t see the point in complaining about her situation. Instead she proactively and constructively engages with it.
Jean Paul Sartre attempts to understand why human beings do not have innate ‘essence’ or a programmed set of values, traits and aspirations. Ann’s words and actions were linked to the Absurd Universe, whereby her diagnosis created a journey for her towards understanding the meaning of human life. Ann’s decisions fit into the existential framework for she decides to give meaning to the reminder of her life the way she best sees fit. In Ann’s case the very fact of her existence empowers her to seek meaning. She taps into the resources of her existence and creates her own essence. The manner in which Ann handles her crises exemplifies an existential basis to confronting adversity. She refuses to be led astray by the absurdity surrounding her. In a truly heroic sense, she reassumes control of her life, instead of letting her illness dictate the terms. Ann’s unexpected encounter with approaching death is the sort of phenomenon that defines an Absurd Universe. The subjective/individualized reality confronting Ann is essentially absurd. Ann is right to feel that there is random and arbitrary dispensation of justice and fairness in the real world. Even though she has lived a respectable life devoid of immoral acts she was not rewarded in proportion to her benevolence. Such as her world is, it abounds in absurdity. This sense of the Absurd Universe is alluded to by Ann through her immediate thoughts upon diagnosis of ovarian cancer, “Now you feel like you want to take all the drugs in the world. But all the drugs in the world aren’t going to change the feeling that your whole life’s been a dream and it’s only now that you’re waking up.”
Ann displays a great degree of pragmatism too. Instead of brooding over her ill-fate, she squares up to the tasks at hand and goes about completing them in a cool yet spirited manner. This is consistent with the existential attitude of looking at the world as essentially chaotic and absurd and working one’s way backwards toward understanding it. This attitude, which is evident in Ann, goes against conventional philosophy, which tends to be abstract and theoretical. Ann can be said to live every moment of her existence. Her existential journey is defined by her focus on the here and now. It is best encapsulated in these words by her: “You pray that they will have moments of happiness so intense, that all of their problems will seem insignificant by comparison. You don’t know who or what you’re praying to, but you pray. You don’t even regret the life that you’re not gonna have, because by then you’ll be dead. And the dead don’t feel anything. Not even regret.” We should not equate Ann’s mention of ‘praying’ as a submission to religion or a belief in God. This is so because Ann is never shown to be religious anywhere in the film. The references to prayer should therefore be construed as metaphors for hope and good fortune. Existential philosophy does not acknowledge predetermination or divine intervention as propagated in major religions. It should be noted that Ann’s valor is congruent with this philosophical understanding.
Soren Kierkegaard, who is credited as a pioneer in existentialist thought, coined the notion of ‘authenticity’. By this he meant that of all social institutions such as religion, nationality, culture, etc it is the individual who is the most potent arbiter of giving meaning to his/her own life. Authenticity in this context means not accepting normative social and cultural understandings of the meaning of life. On the contrary it means to ascertain the meaning of life through one’s own intellectual efforts and accumulated experience. This is exactly how Ann goes about dealing with the remainder of her life. Her response to her potentially deranging situation can be said to be ‘authentic’. As Ann says, “Dying is not as easy as it looks, you know, but there’s no need for you to have to feel terrible all the time”. However, there are also moments of ‘inauthentic’ behavior in Ann’s life. The prime example of this is her short-lived extramarital affair with the unsuspecting Lee. While Ann’s love for her husband and her commitment to her marriage is authentic, this whimsical wish for an affair is inauthentic by contrast.
Ann is an essential existential hero in several other ways. Her incredible power to stay in the present moment and not look too far ahead is easier imagined than performed. When we consider that she is merely 23, it goes to show her maturity beyond her age. Her tactful and mature handling of her relationship with her parents needs to be appreciated. One of the list of 10 things she sets to complete before her death is to meet her father in prison. This is a tough decision for her for obvious reasons. Seeing her father brings back many troubling memories. When added to the imminence of her death, the lacuna in the unfulfilled parent-child relationship expands even further. Yet, Ann did not opt the easy way out. Meeting her father is a way of achieving closure to their relationship. It was the most profound of goodbyes although Ann had the extraordinary tenacity to not reveal her health condition.
Likewise, Ann mends her fractious relation with her mother. Despite her curt responses and disapproving demeanor Ann’s mother is a good person at heart. Her problems are a matter of improper expression and lack of tactfulness. It is a testimony to Ann’s resourcefulness that she performs a reversal of the mother-daughter roles. And by doing so brings a semblance of harmony in the relationship, although it was to be only enjoyed for a brief period. This internal monologue by Ann is quite instructive: “Try and be patient with her [Ann’s mother], okay? She… she is a good person even if it doesn’t always seem that way. She’s… none of the things she always dreamed about ever came true, you know? Try and understand her. Don’t let her make you mad.”
In conclusion, Ann is by all counts a strong existential hero. The shocking news of her diagnosis with cancer ‘wakes’ her up from the ‘dream’ world in which she had been living. This awakening prompts her to create new meanings for her existence. Ann adapts to the absurd universe she inhabits by focusing on tasks that she could accomplish. Ann carries on her existential journey by steadfastly focusing on the here and now. In her heart-felt love for her children and her husband her authentic self is revealed. She shows herself to be a sensitive young woman who is able to show warmth and humanity toward those closest to her. Her whirlwind romance with Lee is an act out of character and is hence inauthentic. But all things considered, the ability of Ann to do all the right things even with the approaching pall of gloom, make her a veritable existential hero.